


secret garden

by hi_raeth



Series: retweet (twitter fics) [12]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, HEA, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Safe to Read if You're Triggered by Pregnancy, as literally ALL of their friends and family keep reminding them, kinda soulmate marks but not really?, originally posted on twitter, these two continue to share one brain cell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:26:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28408455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hi_raeth/pseuds/hi_raeth
Summary: In a world where love physically manifests as flowers on one's skin, Rey spends a decade hiding a garden's worth of blooms from childhood friend Ben. (And maybe, just maybe, Ben's hiding a few flowers of his own too.)Alternatively: yet another fic inspired by the wonderful@galacticidiots, who came up with this gem of a prompt:"AU where flowers bloom on your skin when you fall for someone. The more you love them, the more they spread. Rey was 16 when she met Ben Solo. At 21, she struggles to hide them. At 25, she sees him without a shirt on. His body is a garden and every petal is for her."
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: retweet (twitter fics) [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1639294
Comments: 80
Kudos: 407





	secret garden

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BensCalligraphySet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BensCalligraphySet/gifts).



> **_sixteen_ **

She first falls for Ben – _awkward neighbor’s kid_ Ben, _helped her with her first period when Maz was out of town_ Ben, _scrawny nerd_ Ben – the day he punches his friend Hux for making fun of her accent.

It’s true that Rey’s accent has been watered down after years of bouncing around the American foster care system, that it’s an odd blend of British pronunciation here and American slang there, but that’s none of Hux’s bloody business, is it? He feels the need to make a snide comment about it anyway when they literally bump into each other between classes, calling her out for her “poor man’s version – or should I say poor _orphan’s_ version?” of his accent right there in the hallway, where everyone can hear.

One moment she’s figuratively seeing red, and the next Hux’s nose is a bloodied mess that clashes terribly with his hair. It takes Rey a while to figure out what must have happened between heartbeats, to realize that Ben was the one to punch Hux before she could – _Hux_ , his science partner, his lunch buddy, his only actual friend aside from all the neighbor’s kids he grew up with.

Judging by the way he smirks at a wailing Hux as he’s led away by Mr. Ackbar, he has zero regrets.

At lunch, it feels like the entire student body is gossiping about the debacle, variations of the truth spreading among them like wildfire. Hux sits at the table he usually shares with Ben and Phasma, a recent transfer who towers over all the boys and doesn’t give a shit about it, and continues to whine about his nose in a voice that’s even more nasally than usual while Phasma pays him no attention, far more absorbed by whatever game she’s playing on her phone.

The entire cafeteria falls silent the second Ben appears in the doorway, and even Phasma sets her phone down as everyone waits to see whether Ben will swallow his pride and make amends, or create his own new table of one.

He picks a third option that hadn’t occurred to any of them, least of all Rey herself: Ben heads straight for _her_ table, the one she shares with all the other kids on their street, and slides into the chair that’s remained empty since he stopped sitting with them a year ago, the one right between Rey and Poe.

Poe, a year older than Ben and two years older than Rey, his one-time childhood friend and her long-time coworker at Maz’s dinner, greets Ben with a wide grin and a loud cheer that finally breaks the silence and prompts everyone else to go back to their chattering. “So,” he reaches out to clap Ben on the shoulder, “what’s the damage?”

“Detention for the rest of the week,” Ben informs the table with a scowl, and Rey’s heart sinks at the frustration and anger in his voice.

“Ben, I’m so sorry you got into trouble over me–” she begins to say, only to fall silent when Ben nudges her shoulder with his own and flashes her a rare smile, the kind that warms her from the inside out like the most beautiful of sunrises.

“Hey, no. You’re worth it, kid.”

The most peculiar tingling sensation forms on her left hip, an odd combination between the itch from a mosquito bite and the warmth of a familiar touch, but Rey’s distracted by a round of laughter before she can think to investigate further, Finn cracking jokes about a sulky Hux and earning a chuckle from Ben of all people for his spot-on impersonation of the ginger.

She doesn’t think about the odd feeling again until later that day, when she finally peels off her skinny jeans only to find a sight that’s both surprising and… entirely not.

There, gently curled around her left hip like the intimate touch of a lover, is the very first flower.

* * *

> **_seventeen_ **

More flowers quickly join the first, delicate petals curling around her hips and trailing down her thighs.

As much as Rey loves each and every single blossom, as much as her heart warms whenever Ben does something sweet or thoughtful or attractive, she can't help but curse both them and him once summer rolls around and everyone makes plans to hang out at the beach.

It's a time-honored summer break tradition for all Hanna City High School students, one that Rey knows there's no getting out of. So she wistfully packs up her perfectly good one-pieces and bikinis, and forks over the money for two swim dresses Amazon reviewers assure her will be long enough to hide her secret - as long as Ben cuts her a break and dials back his kindness and consideration and hotness, which... is a long shot, Rey knows, especially that last one. After all, it’s common knowledge that he’s become a regular at the gym this past year, and the idea of seeing him shirtless for the first time since he started bulking up fills her with both anticipation and dread.

The first beach day of the season rolls around all too fast.

The day starts out well enough, with Rose and Jannah cooing over her dress when they drop by her house to pick her up. At the beach, even Poe nods approvingly at her choice of swimwear, telling her it’s _very vintage, super classy._ Finn’s just happy to see everyone, and Ben…

Ben isn’t around, until suddenly he is. She feels his eyes on her before he makes his presence known, her skin prickling with an awareness her lovesick mind likens to flowers perking up at the sight of the sun. “That’s a good look on you, Rey,” he murmurs as he walks up to them, gently brushing past her to say hello to the others, and Rey quickly squeezes her eyes shut and takes a deep breath to fortify herself before she opens her eyes to find Ben… all covered up in a rash guard?

She’s not the only one confused by the sight, and Ben shrugs at the five pairs of eyes goggling at him. “Don’t really feel like getting burned again this year,” he explains, and she supposes it makes sense. He _is_ the palest of them all, and in years past they’ve seen Ben turn lobster-red within hours while the rest of them tan under the summer sun.

Soon enough, all sartorial choices are forgotten as they splash about in the ocean and set up the volleyball net, the first of many long summer days spent at the beach.

Ben gives her more flowers that summer, because _of course_ he does. Remembering her favorite popsicle flavor when he and Poe make a quick run for refreshments, indulging her when she asks for his help to build the grandest sand castle of them all, letting her doze off on his shoulder during late nights spent around a bonfire… how could she _not_ fall for him again and again and again?

By August, her swim dresses are pointless. Thankfully the summer storms roll in unseasonably early, and their gang quickly trades in beach days for other activities, ones that allow for plenty of knee-length sundresses that are just the right length to hide her newest additions while still allowing her to avoid pants in the humid summer. The girls question her sudden style evolution, given that Rey’s summer attire has mainly consisted of shorts in the past, but she’s able to fend off the interrogation until the end of summer, when Rose and Jannah surprise her at the diner one day and drag her off to the mall for back to school shopping.

They discover her secret at the very first store, the three of them so used to sharing a fitting room that Rey doesn’t give it a second thought until it’s too late.

It doesn't matter anymore, though. Their surprised squeals of excitement that draw too much attention, the rapid-fire questions that inevitably follow, the pleading and whining and threatening to convince her to tell them who the flowers are for - none of it matters anymore.

Ben's gone off to college, and she's left behind with nothing but flowers to remember him by.

* * *

> **_eighteen_ **

In her last year of high school, four new flowers find their way to her lower back - three of them appear over winter break, the one and only time Ben's been able to come home so far. The fourth she discovers after a call from him late at night on her birthday, Ben yawning and slurring through their conversation but determined to catch up with her anyway.

Not a single week goes by without Rose and Jannah trying to convince her to come clean to Ben, not even in the run-up to prom. Rey begins to sound like a broken record, telling them they just don't understand – after all, Jannah has no flowers and doesn’t intend for that to change anytime soon, and Rose and Finn both got their first flowers the _second_ they laid eyes on each other when Rose’s family moves into the neighborhood a week before freshman year. It's different, Rey insists, when you know for sure that the other person feels the same way.

" _Rey,_ " Jannah sputters in disbelief while Rose sighs heavily. "Of course my cousin feels the same way about you!"

She drapes another dress over her arm, one that she worries might be too low in the back to hide the bright pink zinnia she’s started thinking of as her birthday flower. "Oh, yeah? When did he tell you that?"

Jannah falters. "Okay, so he didn't exactly _say_ so, but it's Ben! The guy wears his heart on his sleeve. And on his face. And in his eyes."

Rose nods in agreement, her bangs bouncing with enthusiasm. "It's so obvious!"

It feels like they've had this conversation a hundred times since last September, and it always ends the same way: with Rey keeping quiet until the girls get the message and move on to another topic. Today, it's about the practicality of dresses with trains.

In the end, Jannah settles on a caped jumpsuit, Rose wears a stunning floor-length number, and Rey goes with a more practical knee-length dress that she'll get many more chances to wear in the future.

Poe compliments her on it when he picks her and Jannah up at her house. They'd been perfectly happy going dateless for the evening while Rose and Finn dance the night away, but Poe had unexpectedly arrived back in town on a short break from yet another unknown adventure in a distant land, and promptly offered up his chauffeuring and dancing services to everyone.

He makes good on his word, taking turns dancing with all of them throughout the evening. Rey's in the middle of a particularly spirited number with him when it happens – one minute she's giggling like a child as Poe spins her around and around, and the next she turns back to find him staring wide-eyed at her legs, where her fluttery skirt had fanned out just long enough for him to catch a glimpse of the vibrant secret hidden underneath, the side of her thighs dotted with a variety of dainty little flowers.

She's breathless for a completely different reason now, heart racing and throat dry as she stares at him in horror, waiting for him to say something. After all, this is _Poe_ they're talking about, a gold medalist in the sport of teasing and dead-last in the art of keeping a secret.

It feels like forever before Poe finally meets her eye... and gives her a small, reassuring smile. "Your secret's safe with me, sunshine."

And then, before she can thank him: "But you _really_ should tell him."

The song ends, and from the corner of her eye Rey can see Finn approaching for his turn with Poe as _Uptown Funk_ comes on. She quickly steps away, acknowledging Poe's words with a mere nod, and they don't speak of it again for the rest of the night.

Still, Rey lies awake at night filled with dread until Ben comes home that summer, and the way he treats her - the exact same way he's always treated her - finally sets her mind at ease.

Miraculously, Poe turns out to be a man of his word.

That doesn't stop him from joining Rose and Jannah in their weekly demands for her to come clean, but Rey's quickly learning to just live with that. And maybe, just maybe, a part of her even misses it once they all go their separate ways for college in the fall.

* * *

> **_nineteen_ **

Rey goes home for summer after her first year of college – the whole gang does… except Ben.

Jannah is the one to break the news to her, a look of pity in her eyes that turns Rey's stomach. "He's driving Bazine home first. They, um," she continues with a wince, as if this pains her as much as it does Rey, "they decided to make a road trip out of it. Ben said he'll be here in two weeks."

Bazine is the beautiful brunette who first popped up in her monthly catch-up call with Ben this past October, when a mystery woman rescued him from a hoard of overenthusiastic sorority sisters at a Halloween party and led him out back, where they ended up geeking out about philosophy all night. Rey's heart had been heavy, _hurt_ even as she registered the happiness in Ben's voice while he all but _gushed_ about having a friend who shared his enthusiasm for long dead thinkers, but it's nothing compared to the pain she feels now.

Because not only does Ben have a girlfriend, not only is he ditching them for her, not only is he with someone else, someone better and prettier and smarter – what hurts even more, what hurts the _most_ is the fact that he didn’t even tell her. They still chat here and there, and Ben hadn't mentioned _any_ of this during their last call two weeks ago.

She puts on a brave face - for herself, for her friends, for her mother who's so excited to have her back and doesn't deserve to have her daughter moping around. Jannah and Rose and Poe and even Finn tread on eggshells around her anyway, making such a deliberate effort to _not_ mention Ben around her that it only ends up being so painfully obvious it humiliates her. At least they don't mention her flowers either, whenever they catch glimpses of faded petals here and there.

Faded since the day Jannah told her about Bazine, and yet they refuse to wilt, to die, to get the damn message and just let her move on already. Worse still—

She's the first one he says hi to the day he finally pulls into his family's driveway, and Rey's lower back _burns_ as Ben's eyes light up upon finding hers. The new sprig of purple hyacinths outshines the rest of the garden she's grown for him on her skin, more vibrant than it has any right to be.

All of the flowers he gives her that summer stand out against their faded predecessors, and every single one hurts like a knife to her heart all over again.

* * *

> **_twenty_ **

On the eve of her twentieth birthday, there's an unexpected knock on the door of the off-campus apartment Maz insisted she live in while she's studying at her mother's alma mater. Rey's not expecting anyone, but Rose and Jannah have been known to unexpectedly drop by from time to time, to the point that she doesn't even bother checking the peephole anymore before she opens the door.

"Surprise!"

And what a surprise it is, Ben standing on her doorstep with a smile so boyish it _hurts_ and a box of cupcakes from her favorite bakery in hand, almost three thousand miles away from Coruscant University.

Rey feels a new flower blooming on her back even as she struggles to make sense of the sight of Ben standing a mere two feet away. "You- when- but- _how_?"

Ben laughs at her confusion, and Rey is reminded all over again of why his laughter is her favorite sound in the world. He's never been a boisterous laugher, nothing like Poe's full-bodied chuckles or Rose's contagious giggles, but that's what makes it all the better – this quiet expression of mirth that's almost secretive, a moment for just the two of them to share.

"I figured I'd join in on the weekend of festivities the gang's planned for you," he says with a shrug, the tiniest hint of a smile still playing on his lips as Rey finally shakes off her stupor to step aside and wave him in. He pauses in the doorway, the two of them sandwiched into this tiny doorframe that can barely contain his shoulders, and Rey forgets how to breathe when Ben adds, in a murmur so quiet she almost mistakes it for a trick of the mind, "It's good to see you, Rey."

When he looks at her like this and says things like that... it's so hard to ground herself in reality, to remind herself that they'll never be anything more than friends even with Bazine out of the picture after an amicable break-up last winter.

Because he’s never said anything.

Because to him she’ll always just be the kid next door.

Because only a masochist would ask someone about their dating life if they have feelings for the person, and Ben is _constantly_ asking about her love life, a dedicated member along with Poe and Finn of the protective older brother trio that has taken to vetting her dates.

Not that she goes on that many dates to begin with. It's hard not to scare people off when your heart has grown an entire garden for someone else.

Rey dismisses that train of thought and turns her back on Ben, the only foolproof way she knows to break herself out of his spell. "It's good to see you too, Ben," she forces out on a shaky exhale, hoping she doesn't sound nearly as breathless as she feels. She leads the way to the kitchen, and Ben follows once he's shut the door behind them.

"So, how long are you here for?" Rey asks, buying herself some time by rooting through her fridge for drinks while Ben sets the cupcakes down on her tiny kitchen-island-slash-dining-table and picks out a lemon buttercream cupcake - her favorite - to trade her for a Coke.

Ben takes a sip before he replies, and Rey practically stuffs her face with the little cupcake to force her eyes away from the way his huge hand makes the can look absolutely tiny by comparison, the way his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows, the way his tongue darts out for just a second to catch a stray drop rolling off his plush lower lip. It's _ridiculous_ , the things she notices about Ben.

"I'm yours for the whole weekend," he finally says, and Rey promptly chokes on a mouthful of cupcake.

And thus kicks off her frankly _disastrous_ birthday weekend.

Okay, that's not exactly fair. All things Ben-related aside, it's a lovely weekend filled with wonderful friends and good food and even a surprise video call from her mother, who finally pestered one of her employees into helping her figure out FaceTime.

But on the all things Ben-related front, the weekend is filled with confusing moments and awkward silences and flowers, so many flowers that by Saturday night she's forced to swap out the cap-sleeve dress she'd picked out for her birthday dinner with one that covers up the new additions to her shoulders and upper arms. On Sunday, after she wakes up to Ben making her breakfast in a scene so domestic it brings tears to her eyes, Rey feels the tell-tale warmth creeping up the back of her neck. She spends the rest of the day in an oversized hoodie and leggings, leaving her hair down for good measure.

Right before he leaves, Ben tucks a stray curl behind her ear with a smile that's almost... tender. And just like that, the very first flowers he ever gave her, still faded from last summer, burst back into brilliant, vivid, glorious Technicolor.

She gives up on dating for good after that weekend, resigned to the fact that her heart will only ever belong to him.

* * *

> **_twenty-one_ **

Three weeks before she's supposed to return home for Thanksgiving, Rey receives the most frightening call of her life.

"There's been an accident,” Leia tells her in a voice that's barely there, sounding nothing at all like the commanding presence Rey grew up with. She hurries to assure Rey that Maz is alive, conscious even, and the doctors have arranged for some scans and tests just to be sure but they're confident she doesn't even have a concussion.

Her hip, though, is a different matter entirely, and her doctors says it’s a miracle she sustained only a sprain from the collision. 

Rey drops everything to rush home and care for her mother, heedless of the growing senior year workload she can barely keep up with at the best of times. Maz chides her for it, of course, and rolls her eyes at the amount of fuss everyone's kicking up over her, but during rare quiet moments Rey sees the soft smile her mother gives her and the love in her eyes, and she knows this is where she needs to be right now.

The same decidedly does _not_ apply to Ben, who pulls into his parents' driveway the next morning just as Rey is about to bring a carefully assembled breakfast tray up to Maz.

There's a knock on the front door just minutes later, and Maz gives her a knowing look Rey would rather not read into when she mentions that it might be Ben.

He pulls her into a hug as soon as she opens the door, and Rey melts into his arms against her better judgment, carefully constructed walls tumbling down in the face of the last twenty-four hours. It's not fair, how soothing his mere presence can be in times of trouble when his existence causes her so much conflict on a daily basis, but she doesn’t have it in her to question this right now.

"How is she?" Ben murmurs, lips warm against her temple, sounding just as worried as she feels. Rey forgets sometimes that Maz was his godmother long before she was Rey's mother.

She begrudgingly steps out of his embrace after a beat, knowing that she's clung to him for far too long even though Ben's too sweet to say so. "Better, especially now that you're here."

Right on cue, Maz's gravelly voice floats down the stairs. "Ben Solo, I know you're down there!"

They share a laugh as Ben runs a hand through his hair, noticeably more disheveled than usual. He must've driven through the night to get here as soon as possible, and the realization makes her want to throw her arms around him all over again.

Thankfully, Ben saves her from making a fool out of herself.

"I should go say hi," he chuckles as Maz calls for him once again, and Rey gestures for him to go up the narrow stairs first. She follows closely behind, and waits until he disappears into Maz's room before she discreetly rolls up one sweater sleeve to confirm her suspicions.

Two new flowers have bloomed on her right arm.

They're joined by many more over the course of the week, especially when Ben's boss inevitably calls to berate him for missing work and Ben promptly tells the awful old man off. She comes so, _so_ close to telling him everything that night, once Maz has fallen asleep and it's just the two of them in the kitchen and Ben's reassured her for the dozenth time that he hated that job anyway.

 _He did it for Maz,_ she reminds herself again and again, _not you._ Because at this point, the amount of flowers on her skin can only mean one thing - and if Ben truly loves her as much as she loves him, surely he would've said something by now.

So she keeps everything to herself, that night and all the others until Maz finally gets sick of being waited on hand and foot and kicks the both of them out of the house.

Ben offers to drive her back to Takodana, even though it's completely out of the way for him. Rey dreams of a world in which she could take him up on that offer, and they'd go on their very own road trip, and he'd reach across the console for her hand with a smile, lacing their fingers together to form a matching bouquet.

But in this world, her flowers remain hidden and his skin remains bare.

So she tells him thanks but no thanks, claims she's already bought her train ticket, and hugs him goodbye.

It's better this way, better to keep him at a distance rather than scare him off completely.

* * *

> **_twenty-two_ **

After graduation, Rey accepts a job across the pond in Hosnian.

Amidst her friends' dismay and her professors' surprise that she plans to move so far for work, Rey finds herself carefully navigating Maz's reaction to her decision to move back - albeit temporarily - to the place she was born in, the only place in the world she associates with vague memories of her birth parents. In the end, though, her mother is her usual understanding self when Rey assures her that this journey to discover her roots won't change the fact that Maz will always be her family and Chandrila will always be her home.

It's easy enough to make all of the arrangements, easy to pair her goodbyes with promises to be back in a year, easy to cite the expensive flight and long distance whenever someone asks her to come home for a visit.

The only thing that isn't easy, _surprise surprise_ , is escaping Ben.

It's not like she took this job and moved across an ocean to put some distance between them – that would be _ridiculous_. But if she’s being completely honest, _out of sight, out of mind_ had certainly factored into her decision-making process at some point. And yet...

The first letter comes just a week after she shares her new address with her mom, who takes it upon herself to disseminate that information among all their friends so that they can flood Rey with care packages that both soothe and exacerbate her homesickness.

 _Dear Rey,_ it begins, with an extra flourish to Ben's already fancy penmanship that styles the _y_ in her name to end with what almost looks like a heart. She tells herself not to read too much into it, reminds herself that this is Ben she's dealing with and he would _never_ do something so... cutesy. But it gets harder and harder to ignore the potential heart when his letter goes on to talk about how weird things are without her around, how often he has to remind himself of the time difference and stop himself from just calling her, how much he misses her.

But Rose sends her cute little cards that basically say the same thing all the time, and the rest of her friends are always spamming the group chat to let her know how much they miss her, and heart or no heart, the fact remains that trading letters is a perfectly normal thing for friends to do.

On second thought, though…

Rose doesn't sign any of her cards with _yours_. And the guys don't pen entire paragraphs about how the whole world feels off without her around. And she doesn't send long letters of her own to anyone other than Ben.

Sometime after the tenth month, when Rey has to throw out a whole page's worth of musings and start from scratch because she accidentally signed off with _Love, Rey,_ she finally resigns herself to the fact that she'll never escape Ben and the way she feels about him, not even with an ocean between them.

But if this is as good as it gets between them... well, she's pretty damn lucky to have such a good friend in her life, isn’t she? One who regularly writes her letters to make sure she's okay and always fills her in on what's going on back home so she doesn't feel left out. Maybe it's time for her to start appreciating what she has with Ben rather than mourning what she doesn't.

So when he offers to pick her up at the airport, she accepts. When he meets her with open arms, she steps right into his embrace. And when he reaches for her hand so that they don't get separated while navigating the crowded airport, she focuses on the comforting warmth of his skin rather than its unmarked surface.

"It's good to have you back," Ben says, giving her a little squeeze and a bright smile before he turns back to the carousel to keep an eye out for her bags.

Rey squeezes his hand in return. "It's good to be back," she murmurs, and means it with all her heart.

That night, as everyone crowds around Maz's tiny table for her welcome home dinner, she finds herself sitting next to Ben. With ten people dining at a table meant for four, things are so crammed that their legs and arms and shoulders are pressed together for practically the entire meal.

Every time their hands brush, Ben gives her a sheepish little smile that Rey is always quick to return, all the while ignoring the unfurling petals hidden beneath her sleeves.

 _This is good_ , Rey tells herself. _This is enough. This is good enough._

Her heart will get the message eventually.

* * *

> **_twenty-three_ **

When a children's rights foundation based in Coruscant comes knocking on her inbox with an offer that's as close to her dream job as it can get, Rey decides that this is the universe telling her to stop fighting it.

She moves out to the city where Ben's been living ever since he graduated, and they start spending even more time together. Her wardrobe gets a complete overhaul in order to maintain her secret, but if anyone notices that they haven't seen her bare arms in years, they don't mention it. Ben _does_ give her the occasional odd look when she continues to dress exclusively in airy tops and gauzy dresses with long sleeves even as the weather grows warmer, but he’s not the kind to say anything. Days, weeks, months pass like this, the two of them growing closer than ever while her secret stays safely hidden away.

Everything is _perfect_ \- until their friends descend upon the city for a long weekend and Ben suggests that they all make use of the rooftop pool in his building.

She's long past the point of being able to hide behind a rash guard and swim skirt, and the idea of struggling with wet sleeves isn't exactly appealing anyway. So Rey claims to be on her period, and lounges by the poolside in a goddamn long-sleeved midi dress in the middle of a summer heatwave while her friends splash about in crystal clear water. It’s a small price to pay all things considered, and at least no one's questioned the fact that her cycle has apparently gone haywire or made any pointed remarks that might tip Ben off. All in all, the day goes much better than expected, and the tangled mess of dread and tension that has occupied her stomach ever since Ben first mentioned the pool slowly dissipates as the hours go by.

By the time Ben emerges from the pool to grab some drinks and heads her way with a chilled cider that promises some relief from this terrible heat, Rey isn’t even the slightest bit on edge anymore. He smiles at her as he approaches, wet hair almost gleaming under the sunlight, and for one perfect moment everything is wonderful.

But of course the universe chooses to have Ben slip on a puddle at that exact second, and _of course_ Rey's first instinct is to jump to her feet and steady him. She doesn't even realize the open bottle of cider has drenched her cream-colored dress until it's too late, until Ben's eyes land on thin sleeves made sheer and clingy by the spill, exposing her secret for all to see – for _him_ to see.

Her heart stops. Her ears ring. Her blood grows cold.

And Ben, Ben just _stares_ for the longest time until— "I left my phone downstairs," he croaks, and promptly disappears for the rest of the day.

That night, Rose and Jannah take turns holding her in their arms while she cries her heart out. They try their best to soothe her, to convince her that she's got this all wrong, that Ben probably really _did_ forget his phone, but Rey knows the truth.

Ben saw the flowers on her arms - _his_ flowers - and the truth was so horrible he had to run away from it, from her.

The longer he stays away from her, the more convinced she grows of her theory. By Monday, their friends' last day in the city, even Rose and Jannah have reluctantly admitted that something might be wrong after Ben's mysterious absence throughout the weekend.

"Do you want me to hang around? I'm sure I could take another day or two off, Paige can handle the shop on her own—"

Rey finally looks up from her sad, torn apart burger to tell Rose thanks but no thanks, to assure her that she'll be fine on her own, but someone enters the restaurant just as she's about to speak.

She'd recognize his presence anywhere, even in a crowded diner at lunchtime.

Ben claps Poe on his back, slides into the empty chair they'd optimistically requested, and shoots all of them a smile as if everything's perfectly fine. "Hey guys, sorry I'm late."

Rose and Jannah tense on either side of her, but Rey jumps in before they can get the chance to call Ben out on his odd behavior. If he's willing to pretend that nothing happened, that everything's okay, that she isn't so in love with him it disgusts him… then so is she.

She slides a menu over to Ben with a bright smile and a steady hand. "They've got your favorite," Rey tells him, pleasantly surprised by how _normal_ she sounds, and goes back to her lunch as if nothing's amiss.

After all, she's had years to perfect the art of pretending.

* * *

> **_twenty-four_ **

When Rey's office moves to the other side of town - the _nice_ side of town - Ben instantly offers up his spare room to help her save on rent and shorten her commute. It's such a logical arrangement that it would be suspicious to _not_ say yes, as Rose and Poe and literally everyone else is quick to point out to her when Rey turns to them for help.

And the thing is... it would be nice, to be able to afford a decent place for once and get an extra hour of sleep in the morning and have someone to come home to at the end of each day, even if he _is_ just her best friend. Besides, it's been months since that disastrous day at the pool. If enough time has passed for Ben to be okay with that, if his feelings for her are so platonic that he doesn't mind living with someone who's head over heels for him, then who is she to say no to a perfectly good suggestion?

So Rey says yes, and two weeks later she's all moved in. Living with Ben is somehow everything she's ever dreamed of but also everything she's ever dreaded, a bittersweet glimpse into what could have been in another life.

She's quick to push those thoughts out of her mind whenever they rear their ugly heads though, and soon enough living with Ben is no more painful or difficult than hanging out with him. The only real sacrifice she's had to make is to constantly wear leggings and long-sleeved tops around the apartment, choosing to hide the flowers they both know about out of respect for him.

It's a small price to pay for what has to be the best deal of her life: a gorgeous apartment complete with her own bathroom, swanky amenities, and a roommate who happily lets her vent after a long day at work, who knows exactly how to read her moods and deal with them, who leaves her coffee in the morning and cooks her dinner in the evening and makes her feel at home in a way no physical structure ever could.

Things are pretty damn good, if Rey's being honest with herself.

But sometimes... sometimes when she reaches for things and her sleeves fall back to reveal delicate petals around her wrists, she can _sense_ the weight of Ben's gaze on her. And occasionally she'll yawn and stretch while they're curled up together on the couch for movie night, only to feel a cool breeze where her shirt has ridden up and catch a flash of movement from the corner of her eye, Ben hastily looking away to fiddle with his phone or reach for more chips.

And whenever these things happen, whenever he's reminded of her terrible, awkward, not-so-secret secret, Ben can never look her in the eye for the rest of that day. But he’s always back to normal the next day, always there to greet her with a smile and a cup of coffee before she can even think of apologizing or offering to move out, and honestly… Rey thinks, hopes, _wishes_ things could stay like this forever, even as she waits for the other shoe to drop.

* * *

> _**twenty-five** _

A few weeks before the one-year mark of moving in with Ben, Rey and her colleagues get sent home early one day when their building is struck by an unexpected power outage. Between the pleasantly early end to her workday and Ben's promise to make lasagna for dinner today, it's shaping up to be a pretty great Wednesday evening. That is, until she walks into the apartment just as Ben emerges from the bathroom and steps into the hallway right across from her wearing nothing but a towel slung low on his hips.

Correction: a towel, and what must be a _hundred_ flowers wrapped around his upper arms, scattered across the broad expanse of his chest, and snaking down his torso.

In that exact moment, Rey realizes that she's spent all these years so preoccupied with covering up _her_ body that it honestly never occurred to her just how much Ben's been hiding his. Ben who started wearing a rash guard to the beach one day and never stopped, Ben who stays in his t-shirt even when the heat has Finn and Poe walking around shirtless, Ben who's always fully dressed when he steps out of their shared bathroom and into her view - all to hide the fact that his skin bears a garden's worth of flowers… for someone else.

Rey blinks away tears and instantly wishes she hadn't, if only so she doesn't have to be confronted with the physical manifestation of her heartbreak again.

"You're—" Ben croaks as he backs into the bathroom, safely out of view. "You're home early."

She doesn't stick around to tell him about the power outage, to ask him about the lasagna, to suggest a movie for tonight. "Not feeling well," Rey lies, her voice faint even to her own ears, and disappears into her room for the rest of the evening.

The next morning, she wakes up before dawn to make sure she's out of the apartment before Ben's even had the chance to stir, and leaves work an hour early so that she can hole up in her room before he gets home. She successfully avoids him for three miserable days and three sleepless nights, tossing and turning while the image of his flowers haunts her.

On the fourth day, Rey blearily pads into the kitchen at five in the morning only to find Ben waiting for her in the dark.

He looks as miserable as she feels.

"Am I that awful to look at?" Ben asks, his lips attempting a smile that twists into something more like a wince, his tone aiming for light and coming out bitter instead.

Rey rubs the sleep out of her eyes, and some small part of her expects him to be gone along with the drowsiness when she finally opens her eyes again. But Ben remains seated at their countertop, almost looking at her but not quite, clearly waiting for an answer.

She turns her back to him and reaches for the coffeemaker. "No, that's not- It's nothing. Work's just been really busy these past few days—"

" _Bullshit_ ," he spits, and Rey nearly spills a whole bag's worth of coffee beans at how close his voice sounds. She curses herself for not realizing that he'd moved closer at some point, and now he's reaching out and gently taking her by the shoulders to turn her around and look him in the eye and— "It's the flowers, isn't it?"

The hurt in his eyes and his voice doesn't belong there, doesn't belong to him, not when she's the one who's haunted and heartbroken by those flowers. But he can't know that, can't know _why_ , and so Rey shrugs his hands off, turns her eyes away from his, and gathers all her strength to say, "It's... it's not a big deal, Ben. Let's just—"

He laughs, and _god_ it's such an ugly sound, bitter and hurt and everything she's never wanted for him. "Sure, yeah, it's not a big deal," Ben mutters, and something about the way he says it, the way he's all tense and curled into himself, the way he's crossed his arms over his chest as if he's holding himself together - something about this moment just makes Rey want to cry.

But she doesn't, she _can't_. "Great," she mumbles instead. "Great, so we agree. Case closed," Rey declares, and makes to walk away, coffee be damned.

Only for Ben to stop her in her tracks when he says, "Just like your flowers are no big deal, even though it _kills_ me every time I see them."

Ben's never been needlessly cruel, but this reminder of how disgusted he is by her feelings for him certainly is.

Rey takes comfort in the fact that he can't see her tears with her back still turned to him, but her shaking shoulders are bound to give her away, something ugly and writhing and _wounded_ forcing its way out of her chest in great big heaving sobs she can barely hold back. Any attempt to move, to run away will probably be foiled by her knees, weak as they feel right now, but staying isn't an option, not when her heart is breaking all over again, not when he's still speaking—

"But I've never said anything about them, about _this,_ because I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep you in my life, Rey - even when it hurts," Ben says, his voice barely a whisper now, and that just makes things so much worse, doesn't it, the fact that he's the best friend a person could ask for and he genuinely wants her in his life but not like _that_ , not the way she needs him in hers.

"And I know it's not the same, I know you never wanted this and I'm— Rey, I'm so sorry if I've ever made you feel uncomfortable or awkward or even unsafe around me. But please, I can't— If I promise you'll never see them again, if I promise I'll never say a word about my feelings for you, will you please stay in my life? Please Rey, I can't—"

He's still speaking, still _pleading_ , but Rey's ears started ringing sometime around the words _my feelings for you_ and they haven't stopped.

Feelings.

For _her_.

It makes no sense, none at all, until she finally finds the courage to turn around and face Ben, Ben who looks somehow... smaller than she's ever known him to be, even when they were children, this great big man reduced to someone small and scared and sad, with so much sorrow in his eyes as he just keeps _looking_ at her—

It's that look, the one that serves as a perfect reflection of how she feels, how she's felt for years, that finally gives Rey the strength to ask: "What feelings?"

Ben blinks, and the sadness in his whiskey eyes gives way to an exaggerated incredulity that almost, _almost_ makes her laugh.

But she couldn't even if she wanted to, not with the way all the air has left her lungs as she waits for his answer to a question that could - that will - change _everything._

And still, Ben just blinks, and stares, and blinks some more, until finally he gestures broadly at his chest, his arms, his back. "The ones that turned my entire body into a goddamn _garden_ for you!"

He points it out like it should be obvious, like it's not _impossible_ to imagine him ever feeling that way about her, like she hasn't spent all of her adult life resigned to decades of unrequited love.

_Love._

Ben loves her, just as she's always wished for, just as she's always loved him, and the wave of sheer _relief_ that washes through her after years of despair sends Rey to her knees as she finally lets her tears spill over, an outpouring of grief now transformed into a flood of joy.

She can feel him move closer, the comforting warmth of his broad form curled over her as one hand hovers just above her shoulder, hesitant and panicked and helpless. "Fuck, Rey, I'm _so_ sorry, I just promised I wouldn't— Shit, I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'll just— I'll leave you alone now, okay? I won't talk about it ever again, I'll move out if you want me to, please just—"

His shaking hand moves from just above her shoulder to the side of her face, brushing stray locks away from a tear-stained cheek, and it's then that Rey realizes—

"Oh, _Ben_ ," she sniffles, finally meeting his eyes with a smile, a sight apparently so unexpected that he falls back on his haunches. He still doesn't know, her oblivious giant, her perfect match, her soulmate who's just as much of an idiot as she is, as she has been for so many wasted years.

Rey rises on her knees to shuffle closer, to take one hand - limp from shock - and slip it under the waistband of her sleep shorts, laughing weakly to herself as his eyes grow comically wide at the unexpected skin-to-skin contact of his hand curved around her hip, around—

“This was the first one, the day you punched Hux for me."

He freezes up, hand unintentionally spasming around her hip as the rest of him tenses and grows so still she's convinced he must've stopped breathing. Only his eyes move, flitting from where their joined hands are hidden under her shirt to her eyes and then back down again, disbelief giving way to hope giving way to an unspoken question.

Rey nods, and with her permission Ben's free hand lifts her shirt until the very first mark he ever made on her body and heart and soul is finally bared to his eyes.

She watches him as it all unfolds, knows the second the truth finally hits him when tears start spilling down his cheeks and his lips part in awe even as they twitch into a cautious smile, one that slowly blooms into something brilliant and reverent and happy _,_ he's so _happy_ when his eyes meet hers again and they truly _see_ each other for the first time in years.

"Rey..."

She squeezes the hand still in hers, still wrapped around her waist, and finally allows herself to fall into his arms, knowing that Ben will be there to catch her, knowing now that he's always been there, if only she'd trusted him enough to take the risk.

"If your body is a garden for me," she sobs into his chest, joy for their future and relief for their present and regret for their past all rolled into one overwhelming lump in her throat, "then mine is a _forest_ for you, Ben. There are _so_ many—"

With one hand around her waist to hold her close and the other carding through her hair to comfort her, Ben presses his lips to her temple and asks, "Will you tell me about all of them? Please?"

Rey nods and burrows deeper into his embrace, whispers, "Only if you tell me about yours."

Ben laughs, and this time it's soft and sweet and everything she's ever wanted to share with him. "I don't even know where to start, there must be _hundreds_ —"

 _Hundreds_ , her heart rejoices. Hundreds of flowers to prove his love for her, a love years and years and years in the making.

Rey slowly untangles herself from Ben's arms, just enough to marvel at the love in his eyes and the way he instinctively leans into her touch when one hand slowly rises to curve around his cheek. "Let's start at the beginning," she suggests, now that they've got all the time in the world to explore this beautiful garden they've grown together.

.

.

.

Sunrise finds the two of them curled around each other in Ben's bed, two halves finally made whole. Golden light streams into the room, illuminating each vivid, thriving flower that represents a stolen moment here and a happy memory there, a love story that will never wilt.

* * *

> **_epilogue: twenty-seven_ **

They marry in the spring, as the frost thaws to reveal flower buds poking their heads aboveground with all the sweet tentativeness of first love.

The lingering bite of winter sees their friends and family all wrapped up in coats and scarves, but Ben chooses to have his shirtsleeves neatly rolled up while Rey dons a dress with gauzy sleeves and a low back, their flowers proudly on display.

And as Ben says _I do_ , as he looks her in the eye and slips his grandmother’s ring onto her finger and fulfills the promise they first made to each other all those years ago with hidden petals, Rey feels the familiar warmth of a flower blooming right over her heart.

**Author's Note:**

> This should come as a surprise to absolutely no one, but this monster of a fic was originally meant to be "short and sweet". (Pause for laughter.) If you've read the Twitter version and think you spotted a few differences, that would be because I ended up adding even more words to this already unwieldy thing while I was fixing it up for AO3, including an epilogue. Oops.
> 
> As always, thank you for sitting through all 8000+ words of this and I hope you enjoyed it! Please don't hesitate to reach out in the comments below or [come say hi on Twitter](https://twitter.com/hiraeth_writes), and happy new year to one and all!


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